Platonic: The Surprising New Science of Making--And Keeping--Friends as an Adult

Platonic: The Surprising New Science of Making--And Keeping--Friends as an Adult

  • Downloads:8989
  • Type:Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date:2022-07-24 03:20:10
  • Update Date:2025-09-06
  • Status:finish
  • Author:Marisa G. Franco
  • ISBN:0593331893
  • Environment:PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle

Summary

A lively, data-driven guide to finding your people from psychologist Dr。 Marisa G。 Franco about the (sometimes surprising) science behind making friends, maintaining them, and building connections of ALL sorts in an era of social fragmentation and rampant loneliness。

Loneliness is an epidemic, in part due to a culture that prioritizes romance at the expense of all other relationships。 But in fact, science shows that platonic friendships are a crucial--possibly THE crucial--key to shaping who we are and how we can become our happiest, most fulfilled selves。 So how do we nurture meaningful relationships in an era of distraction, burnout, and chaos?

Just as economist Emily Oster (Crib Sheet) breaks down the science of child-rearing by countering fables with facts, psychologist and professor Marissa G。 Franco unpacks the latest (often counterintuitive) findings about friendship--for example, why your friends aren't texting you back (it's not because they hate you!), and the myth of "just showing up" (you need to bring more than your mere presence to the table to make real friends!)。 Forging lasting bonds with other people isn't rocket science。。。but it does take work, and there are research-based ways to improve the number and quality of your connections。 The good news: the benefits can be massive to not just our sense of wellbeing but also to our physical health。

With vivid, relatable storytelling bolstered by the latest psychological research, Platonic provides a clear and actionable blueprint for understanding and conquering the barriers that keep you from forging strong, lasting connections with others。 In short, Platonic will give you permission to hold friendship in the highest regard--because it deserves to be。

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Reviews

Leigh Kramer

4。5 stars。 An instructive look at friendship through the lens of attachment theory。 The author, a psychologist, makes a strong case for why we need to prioritize friendship more, as well as how these relationships take work just like any other—and they’re worth working on。 It’s an engaging read, with a blend of research, anecdotes from her own life, and practical tips。 As a single woman, I’m already a believer in the power of friendship and I’m always interested in deepening those relationships。 4。5 stars。 An instructive look at friendship through the lens of attachment theory。 The author, a psychologist, makes a strong case for why we need to prioritize friendship more, as well as how these relationships take work just like any other—and they’re worth working on。 It’s an engaging read, with a blend of research, anecdotes from her own life, and practical tips。 As a single woman, I’m already a believer in the power of friendship and I’m always interested in deepening those relationships。 This provides a good gut check about the kind of friends we are and potential areas of improvement。This wasn’t necessarily new information but it was helpful to have it packaged together in one place。 It has the potential to really revolutionize friendships for people who haven’t put the same time and energy in as their romantic or familial relationships。 I particularly appreciated the chapter on managing conflict and the helpful scripts provided throughout。 I will be recommending it a lot, I can tell。The Author’s Note acknowledges the limitations of this book。 Much of the research on friendship is older, conducted in the US, and based on small samples of predominantly white cishet college students。 I hope the field is starting to diversify because that’s a pretty biased small sample。 The author is a Person of Color and she shares some of her experiences, particularly when addressing interracial friendships。 This was a welcome addition。 It would have been nice to have chapters dedicated to exploring LGBTQ friendships and found families (going beyond the acknowledgment of homophobia and its impact on friendship) and different cultural expressions of friendship to counter the lack of research。A few minor quibbles:1。 Franco uses Hazan and Shaver's Three-Category Relationship Model for attachment theory。 To each their own。 I prefer Bartholomew and Horowitz's Four-Category Model of Adult Attachment, which introduced fearful-avoidant attachment。 If the descriptions in this book don’t fully resonate with you, it might be worth looking into fearful-avoidant。2。 While the author asserts the internet can have a detrimental effect on friendship, it can also have a profoundly positive impact that leads to real life friendship。 That’s certainly been true for me—at this point in my life, the majority of my closest friends are people I first connected with online。 Some of them live locally; for those out of state, we regularly travel to visit each other。 It makes sense since we’re often bonding over common interests。 Internet friendship can also be a boon for the disabled community or those who are isolated。 The lack of acknowledgment of these positives was puzzling。3。 I didn’t 100% agree with the examination of new age generosity and individualistic boundaries vs。 communal boundaries。 It felt based on stereotypes, as well as a deliberate misunderstanding of the importance of healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to emotional labor。 Content notes: (most of these are brief examples from different people interviewed, as well as the author’s own experiences) child physical and emotional abuse, child neglect, death of loved ones (including dementia), sick relatives (including cancer), medical issues, Munchausen’s Syndrome (view spoiler)[not acknowledged as such but person lied about having celiac disease due to parental anxiety which manifested in fruitless, unneeded trips to the doctor so she gave herself a diagnosis so the doctor visits would stop and then kept the lie going for years (hide spoiler)], depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, psychotic episode, mental hospital stay, self-harm, homophobia, concern of forced outing and transphobia, racism, racial violence, ableism, disordered eating, fatphobia, bullying, toxic masculinity, parental addiction, alcoholism, contemplating pregnancy, COVID-19, witnessed family violence, incarceration, infidelity, divorce, toxic relationships, purity culture, animal research, alcohol, drug references, gendered pejoratives, gender essentialist language, mention of parent having stillborn baby (past), mention of Pulse Night Club shooting, reference to enslavementDisclosure: I received a free advanced copy from G。P。 Putnam’s Sons in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more

Mikelann Scerbo

"Platonic" gives you more than you bargain for! While it's extensively researched (the citations index is fascinating), Dr。 Franco breaks it down to succinct guidance, laced with anecdotes that bring the research to life。 The book includes SO many practical tips to create and improve friendships, but I didn't expect it to also encourage me to think deeply about how I can live more considerately and kindly alongside others。 Dr。 Franco beautifully lays out stories of healthy relationships (often w "Platonic" gives you more than you bargain for! While it's extensively researched (the citations index is fascinating), Dr。 Franco breaks it down to succinct guidance, laced with anecdotes that bring the research to life。 The book includes SO many practical tips to create and improve friendships, but I didn't expect it to also encourage me to think deeply about how I can live more considerately and kindly alongside others。 Dr。 Franco beautifully lays out stories of healthy relationships (often with endearing real-life characters and fabulous imagery) that, like a patient teacher, gently pushed me to reflect on whether I mutually balance my needs and my friends' needs。 The world desperately needs more connection and empathy, and "Platonic" shows us the way in friendship。 。。。more